The Light of Dead Stars

I believe that Dead Stars, a Philippine short story written by Paz Marquez Benitez, can be viewed from different perspectives—and I have mine.

Certainly, it tackles the concept of forbidden love—but I only view it as forbidden love from Alfredo's side. Through layers of trying to get to know Julia Salas while he was engaged to Esperanza, creating memories with her with malice and feelings of adventure and youth, and not telling her he was engaged were all tinted layers of unfaithfulness that equates to Alfredo's forbidden love to Julia. 

But from Julia's point of view, it was only a feeling she felt from a lens that knew nothing about Alfredo's engagement; if she knew that and still went for him, that would be a forbidden love in both, but it was not. She quickly shut down her feelings, which we never knew the story, once she knew he was getting married. She made a morally right choice, something that highlights her goodness as a person. It was only Alfredo's forbidden love that lasted due to lust and longing for adventure for eight years, trying to fantasize and reminisce about Julia, all while betraying his love for Esperanza. 

Hence, for me, there was no love between Julia and Alfredo; it was only a one-sided forbidden love from Alfredo. There was love, during the times when they met, trying to get to know and keep up with time while they felt feelings for each other, but it was not the love that you can call "real" love; it was only a love felt at that moment, trying to care for someone, a starting point of something, which never happened anyway. 

From being unfaithful by seeing Julia every day while his soon-to-be wife was unaware of it to finally being married to Esperanza yet still thinking of Julia for eight years, Alfredo unfaithfully loved Julia more. One may argue whether Alfredo's love for Julia was really love. Alfredo thinking about Julia for years while being married to Esperanza spoke for itself as a love that weighed significantly in his thoughts. 

However, it is not morally right nor deserving to be called love. It was love he should never have tolerated. It was love that was not love, for one does not love someone while being married to another, for one does not fantasize for someone for eight years and not have the courage nor guts to face it, and for one does not have any love for her at the ending—he touched her hand and felt nothing, realized that he was chasing dead stars all along. It was love that he tolerated instead of discarding it, a love that was not right for Esperanza, the wife who deserved beyond more than what Alfredo had done, and Julia, who was deceived and longed for by Alfredo's forbidden love.

It was not the right love nor the right choice, for I believe he deserved no choice at all. Alfredo should have chosen the humane, morally right path where he both left Esperanza and Julia, both women who do not deserve a man who sought forbidden love, who lied, who cheated, and who had a mind that chased Julia after years. He should have been left with only a choice of Esperanza and Julia leaving him and him leaving both, opening a chance for Esperanza to have the love that she deserved and make her feel the utmost love and Julia to let her freely do whatever she wanted. Alfredo's choice was never right because his choice even got worse—he cheated again by thinking of Julia for years while being married. He made an insensitive, inhumane choice of marrying Esperanza when he could not completely love her. 

As a young girl who sees marriage and adulthood as a crucial part of my life in the future, a strong believer in being human and humane, and a woman who would not settle for less, I would respectfully leave Alfredo if I were Esperanza. Even if we were together for a long time and I really loved him, I would never tolerate his kind of love—the love that I would not call "love", the love that is not kind nor real, the love that does not think of me, the love that does not make me feel loved. 

I love myself with all my heart, and I would never betray her just to love someone who does not love me wholeheartedly. Besides, I fully believe in wholehearted and genuine love, for I am full and capable of it. Hope lies within me that there will be a person out there who would express love in their own genuine, faithful, and utmost way to me. I still believe that there is someone out there who will be full of love for me. 

I am not going to say that it would all be okay on my part after the breakup if I were Esperanza, but I will accompany myself, seek friends, and love my loved ones in my healing. I will, over time, overcome it and absorb the emotions and tragedy from the turmoil Alfredo would have done to me if I were Esperanza.

Dead Stars is indeed a story that makes you feel a range of things—anger for Alfredo, sadness for Julia, and even pity for Esperanza. From my view, I believe the ending conveys something that the title emphasizes dead stars. Even if Alfredo thought about Julia and "loved" her for years, the ending shows how quickly things shift. Alfredo's hand touching Julia's did not feel anything, quick to realize he does not love her, just as quickly as he fell in love with her years ago. 

For me, it was dead stars for he was chasing after his feelings that were already dead long ago; he was looking at the light of dead stars that only reached the earth today in the sky. He realized that his "love" for Julia and the way he clung to his dream had always been a dead star long extinguished. He was not feeling any love but felt longing and desire for something new—like Julia—in his life that would take him back to his youth. 

He did not really "love" her, for it was love that was never right nor real. It was chasing after dead stars that were both a love dream that was impossible to happen and a love that was dead a long time ago, conveying a dead love that I believe should have never happened in the first place.